Easy Tips for Honoring your Child’s Social-emotional Needs through Positive Discipline
What is Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline is a model designed to ” ..teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. It teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.” This model is rooted in the knowledge that,
Every being deserves respect and dignity.
All behavior has a function.
Strength-based focus fosters constructive change.
It is a holistic approach that factors in the child’s thoughts, feelings and decisions as well as that of the family.
Every being "needs to have a sense of belonging to a community and the ability to contribute to the well-being of that community.”
Positive discipline involves being sensitive and responsive to your child’s needs. It does not mean that we are over-indulgent or that we veer away completely from the traditional parent-child relationship whereby the parent is the protector, care-giver and guide.
What is Responsive/Sensitive Parenting and Why is it Important?
Responsive parenting or Sensitive parenting is the parents’ awareness of the child’s physical, social and emotional needs and the ability to respond consistently. It is being “in tune”.
“…supportive sensitive parenting can possibly mitigate the effects of adverse events and stress in a child’s life. Researchers followed preschool children (aged 3 – 6 years) for five to ten years and obtained MRI brain scans at early adolescence. Poverty adversely affected brain growth, but these effects were mediated by positive caregiving. (Luby J, et al. The effects of poverty on childhood brain development: the mediating effect of caregiving and stressful life events. JAMA Pediatr 2013; 167(12):1135-42.)”
A study on stress and the mitigating effects of maternal sensitivity cites, “ When 163 individuals were followed from birth through age 32 years, stress in early childhood and adolescence predicted adverse health outcomes in adults. “Higher maternal sensitivity, however, buffered these deleterious effects.” (Farrell AK, et al. The Impact of Stress at Different Life Stages on Physical Health and the Buffering Effects of Maternal Sensitivity. Health Psychol. 2016).”
Tips for Incorporating Positive Discipline for Infants and Toddlers
Infants
Redirect your child with a toy or move them to a new area, tell your baby why from a positive stand-point. “Mommy is going to take away the pencil and give you this big plastic spoon because the pencil is sharp and pointy and you can get hurt.”
Talk to your baby about events and decisions. Engage in self-talk (describing your actions, thoughts, etc) and parallel talk (child’s actions, etc.).
Asses your baby’s needs and rhythm to establish and maintain a healthy routine.
Take your baby out for walks and describe the environment.
Praise your baby.
Toddlers
1. Rephrase language to reflect the behavior you WANT to see. Instead of “Stop running!” try, “Please walk.” Instead of “Don’t/Stop yelling.” try “Please use a softer/quiet voice.” Instead of “Stop hitting!” try “Please be gentle.”
2. Nurture their strong-willed independence by letting your child be part of the decision-making process. Example, give your child a choice between 2 books, or snacks, games, etc.
3. Maintain a healthy, developmentally appropriate and sustainable daily routine.
4. Encourage pretend play.
5. Praise accomplishments and positive behavior. When given feedback, replace the word “but” with “and”. Remember that what you appreciate appreciates.
